Friday, January 14, 2011

The Next Survivor Series

Thanks for sending this Allison - this was totally blog worthy!
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes. There is no fast food.Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,  correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. 

In addition, each man will have to budget enough money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a school function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. 

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry,  wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished, and eyebrows groomed  During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, backaches, headaches, have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. 

They must attend weekly school meetings and church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:30 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information, each child's: 
shoe size
clothes size 
doctor's name 
the child's weight at birth 
length, time of birth 
and length of labor 
each child's favorite color 
middle name 
favorite snack 
favorite song 
favorite drink 
favorite toy 
biggest fear 
and what they want to be when they grow up

The kids vote them off the island based on their performance. The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Kids are my Cardio

Picture this: I'm shopping at Marshalls trying to buy a new lamp shade and just as I'm pondering "ivory or white?," Colin takes off at full speed for the front door. He races past the shoe isle (which is usually a slow down point bc the boy LOVES playing with shoes), past the check out line, and doesn't blink an eye at the first set of automatic doors. Luckily the second set of doors gives me time to catch up to him and drag him back to the housewares section.

The Marshalls' employees all saw the race or should I say "chase" begin and end with Colin's first place finish. The sales clerk turned to me and said, "I think he's your cardio for the day." And that is my new slogan, "Kids are my cardio." On that note, I think I can cancel my gym membership because I'm in training to be a mom to a track star toddler.

Well I Never...

...thought I would find my toddler in the dryer! As I was cooking dinner last night, I noticed the kitchen had become very quiet - too quiet. I looked up from my simmering pot of chicken unable to find Colin anywhere in the kitchen, dining room, living room or bedrooms. So I started looking in all the unlikely places - bathrooms, closets, pantry, and finally found the little guy in the utility room inside the dryer.

Yes indeed, he had climbed up into the dryer (all on his own, I swear) and closed the door to hide. I quickly opened the door to try and rescue my fearless explorer, but he started shaking his head, no, no, no. He was evidently perfectly content in his new spot and very proud of himself for evading me for quite some time. I immediately ran for the camera although I was laughing so hard the pictures may be a bit blurry.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

This is a First

Colin actually fell asleep while eating lunch. He was about to put a fry in his mouth when he dozed off. I fact, it was a Chick-fil-A fry. Who sleeps through a delicious lunch like that!?! Not mommy.